How a good little girl ends up being a sex and relationship coach
15•08•18
If someone told my younger self that one day I would earn a living from talking about sex, I would have blushed furiously, run away in panic and thought it was as likely as marrying a movie star.
Sex was NOT something that was talked about when I was growing up. Sex education was about avoiding pregnancy and STIs, and relying on Judy Blume and Jilly Cooper books to fill in the gaps. At school, masturbation was shamed yet getting to ‘first base’ with a guy was lauded. It was all very confusing.
Sex was NOT something that was talked about when I was growing up. Sex education was about avoiding pregnancy and STIs, and relying on Judy Blume and Jilly Cooper books to fill in the gaps. At school, masturbation was shamed yet getting to ‘first base’ with a guy was lauded. It was all very confusing.
Much like getting my first period, losing my virginity became a desperate race against time, a longed for initiation into adulthood.
Given my performance in most competitive sports, it should have come as no surprise that the gold medal eluded me here too. Wistfully seeing my friends effortlessly jog past to the finish line, triumphantly flashing their trophies of tampons and condoms, I felt left behind, red-faced, gasping for breath and simmering with barely concealed resentment, and shame.
Even after mother nature and an on-off crush finally drew blood (albeit in differing ways), I still struggled to comprehend what it meant to be a sexual being. My skirt was too long, my skirt was too short. My boobs were too small, my boobs were too big. I played too hard to get, I put it out too easily. My sexuality was defined by other people’s opinion as I twisted and turned to fit into the mould of what I thought my current partner, family, colleagues or friends thought was acceptable.
This, along with unsatisfactory sex, mediocre relationships, and dubious working environments ripe with metoo moments left me with a constant feeling of anxiety, shame and confusion about who I really was, and what I really wanted.
Regular meditation, therapy and yoga certainly helped pause the monkey mind, yet the mere mention of sex could still make me blush, dive under the desk to search for a pretend dropped pen, and weep silently at my infantile inability to channel my inner Salt n Pepper and just talk about sex, baby.
Even after mother nature and an on-off crush finally drew blood (albeit in differing ways), I still struggled to comprehend what it meant to be a sexual being. My skirt was too long, my skirt was too short. My boobs were too small, my boobs were too big. I played too hard to get, I put it out too easily. My sexuality was defined by other people’s opinion as I twisted and turned to fit into the mould of what I thought my current partner, family, colleagues or friends thought was acceptable.
This, along with unsatisfactory sex, mediocre relationships, and dubious working environments ripe with metoo moments left me with a constant feeling of anxiety, shame and confusion about who I really was, and what I really wanted.
Regular meditation, therapy and yoga certainly helped pause the monkey mind, yet the mere mention of sex could still make me blush, dive under the desk to search for a pretend dropped pen, and weep silently at my infantile inability to channel my inner Salt n Pepper and just talk about sex, baby.
So what changed?
As much as I’d like to pretend it was all down to me (feminism, n’all), I have to give my partner some of the credit, with whom, aged 30, my sexual hackles finally came off. Embarking on a journey of sexual exploration, based on a foundation of love, communication, and respect, I felt like I’d found the missing key.
I felt more confident, alive and.. happy! Proud and in control of my sexuality, sexual expression and evolving relationship, I felt I’d stumbled across a feeling that no amount of chia seeds, green juice, downward dogging or ohming could match.
“If I only I could bottle this up and sell this”, I pondered.
And so, I left my job for a leading meditation company and started training in all things sex. It’s not always been easy carving out a career which absolutely was NOT expected of me as a nice little boarding school girl, but witnessing the impact coaching can have on my clients’ sex lives, relationship satisfaction and overall happiness is a daily reward for working in a field which, when short on sleep and high on caffeine, can still cause me to feel an occasional palpitation in my heart and heat in my cheeks.
I felt more confident, alive and.. happy! Proud and in control of my sexuality, sexual expression and evolving relationship, I felt I’d stumbled across a feeling that no amount of chia seeds, green juice, downward dogging or ohming could match.
“If I only I could bottle this up and sell this”, I pondered.
And so, I left my job for a leading meditation company and started training in all things sex. It’s not always been easy carving out a career which absolutely was NOT expected of me as a nice little boarding school girl, but witnessing the impact coaching can have on my clients’ sex lives, relationship satisfaction and overall happiness is a daily reward for working in a field which, when short on sleep and high on caffeine, can still cause me to feel an occasional palpitation in my heart and heat in my cheeks.
Because this is not the norm. I fully expected to be married with an aga and dog by now. Instead I am a successful Sex and Relationship coach, and a somatic sex educator supporting others to also come out of the closet of shame and step into their birthright of authentic sexual expression, liberation and joy.
This source of vitality, pleasure, connection and energy is available to us all.
It may just have been lost for a little while, packed into a tin marked ‘don’t go there’ and left to gather dust on the shelf.
If you feel called to rediscover your sexual self, to release shame, reinvigorate relationships or simply discover how sex coaching can bring you back to you, then please do get in touch.
We are all on a journey back to ourselves, and it would be my absolute pleasure and privilege to help guide you on yours.
Email me at louisa@louisamacinnes.com
This source of vitality, pleasure, connection and energy is available to us all.
It may just have been lost for a little while, packed into a tin marked ‘don’t go there’ and left to gather dust on the shelf.
If you feel called to rediscover your sexual self, to release shame, reinvigorate relationships or simply discover how sex coaching can bring you back to you, then please do get in touch.
We are all on a journey back to ourselves, and it would be my absolute pleasure and privilege to help guide you on yours.
Email me at louisa@louisamacinnes.com